This Is How I Roll



 

I spent a good deal of my life thinking I was fat. That is largely due to being called "fatty" over and over again as a child. I had no idea of how deep being called that would go; nor how long and tightly it would hold on!

For most of my life, I have felt fat. I was not, and I have the photos to show the truth of that. No, the photos are no different than they ever were, but my body has changed to make the point undeniably evident. It really is all about perspective! Who knew?!

I dieted, exercised, and vowed never to be fat(ter).

I had been told by the older adults in my life that it would happen, but I said, "I'm not going to let that happen. That happened to you because you did not make the "right" choices. I won't be that stupid".

Well, guess what, I have been that stupid.

At the ripe old age of 50, I gave up. I decided that I wouldn't live much longer and that I should embrace becoming the "old lady" that came after 50. To me, that meant being fat and unattractive. Just plain stupid.

So now that I've lived (a few years) past 50, I realize that I had no need to give up - even if I died at 51!

I am now in the agonizing process of trying to do the impossible. To go back.

Mentally, I know that I cannot go back. But psychologically, it still nags at me to keep trying. That sounds so stupid.

Now, I know that I am not a stupid person.

So, I've developed and made a deal with myself. The deal is that I start where I am. I appreciate what was then, and what is now. Period.

I may choose food to promote getting what I think I want and know that if my choices are contrary to the vision, I must abide by the consequences. Movement is a necessity for getting to "the prize" as well, and I am definitely challenged in making a successful advance in that direction. I'll blame working at the computer for that. 😁

This is how I sum it up:

When I am beating myself up about the state of my physical being, I breathe deep and remind myself of all that is going well within the physical state I now hold. I have the oh-so-mighty gift of choice and the ability to change. I start with loving myself as I am today. The goal is a bit robust, but absolutely attainable.

Self-love; it's real - and really powerful!


Thanks for reading, and remember Everything is Already Okay!